THE 3rd Annual, "1st Annual"

SUMMER MERMAID RETREAT 2018

​August 1st thru the 5th 

​SWIMMING

​CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY TOURNAMENTS

OUTDOOR DANCE FLOOR

​FIRE PIT

​PATIO PONG

WASHERS

​AND ALL THIS


Bring: swimsuit, toothbrush, booze, & books!

If you are flying in, we're in Canyon Lake, Texas, halfway between San Antonio SAT and Austin AUS. Please talk to me before booking your flight if you think you'll need a pick-up so we can get everyone at once. It's at least an hour each way. SAT is easier and faster due to Austin traffic, but Austin isn't bad if the price is better. Also, if you need pick-up, please plan to arrive before 3pm on Wednesday and depart at a decent hour on Sunday. And by decent, I mean not at the crack of dawn, as I will likely be hungover AF.


THE RETREAT IS FREE! Food is provided but alcohol is BYOB. Mostly. 


​Meals and activities are subject to change. Please let me know if you have any dietary concerns so I can laugh at you and say "tough!" Just kidding. We're easy! We accommodate all kinds (even vegetarians) but we do reserve the right to tease you behind your back. 


Rooms are based on party size and are first come, first served. There are 5, and each one sleeps 1-5+ people. The bigger rooms (that fit more people) have private baths. There is also a "library" that fits 4 oversized cots. And there's always floorspace wherever you can find it! Have you seen The Big Chill? It's like that. If you prefer privacy, Canyon Lake Cabins and Cottages is within stumbling distance!


I know it's forever from now, but if you KNOW you're coming, even if you're fairly certain you're coming, please let me know so I can start planning. 


A few rules: Husbands are welcome and encouraged (and while I'll try, I can't guarantee a private room), but no kids or pets (too many people and too much alcohol) and please do not post pictures or video of the guests without their permission! 





WEDNESDAY

​Dinner: Pizza

​Margarita Dance Party!



THURSDAY
​Breakfast: Tacos

Dinner: TBD

River Park Day!
AND LATER...

OUTDOOR MOVIE NIGHT FEATURING:

Splash


FRIDAY

Breakfast: TBD

Dinner: Burgers by the pool

Boating on Canyon Lake* 

*tentative​


AND LATER...

Peter Reads Smut

While Debbie Does Dallas

Write your own sex scene, and Peter, with his lovely British Accent, will read them over the PA!* 

The worse it is the better! Winner gets a prize pack including autographed books by attending authors.


*this is not to offend any British people who may be in attendance *cough* Heather *cough*

(Thank God Southerners don't have funny accents!) 



SATURDAY

Breakfast: Sit-down European Breakfast

Dinner: Last night sit-down Italian dinner

Be mermaids by the pool day!


Last Year's Winning Sex Scene!

The Wrong Name


He stalked forward. His eyes searching her overly heated body as her fun bags flopped out of her too small bra. 

“This so wrong,” she whispered, “and bad.” She winked at him and licked her lips. Then she started to stroke her tits. He leaned down and ripped the small scrap of material hiding her beautiful meat flaps from his gaze. He ordered her to turn around and walk to the bed and bend over. She walked towards the bed with her excessively moist love box making loud squishing noises that reminded him of the sound that sneakers make full of water after walking in the rain. She bent over exposing her furry beaver for him to admire.

He stalked towards her rubbing his member and spreading his pre-cum over the head. Then he slammed into her bearded clam like he was drilling for oil. She screamed his name as if as in pray. “FUCK ME! FUCK ME! Nothing feels better in my sloppy pussy then your meat stick” 

He banged her and banged her and banged her and she liked it a lot. She bit the sheets as plowed into her smacking her ass then rimming her backdoor with his thumb. 

She slammed back repeatedly matching his Olympic strokes until she felt the tremors of her orgasm begin to build. He sped up ramming her harder and harder until he too felt the tingling in the base of spine. Their bodies were covered in sweat and the rutting of their bodies reminded her of two pigs fighting under a blanket. A few more strokes and she screamed out his name, “Jason, you are a god!” he slammed into her on last time and held her hips as he emptied his baby batter into her waiting womb. 

He held her booty for a few more minutes while they caught their breath and then he flipped her on the back and then he looked into her sated eyes, “That was the sweetest twat I have ever emptied male fluid into. By the way, my name is Jonathan.”

PICS FROM LAST YEAR

"My accent only comes out when... 

(I drink tequila) ...I'm really tired."

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